People who know me very well know that I’m a terribly nervous person. Heck, some of my friends call me ‘nervous nadine’. I have a hard time articulating my anxiety because it manifests in really strange ways. I am a really happy, go-getting kind of person and in most ways I’m quite fearless. I travel alone, I’ve lived alone, I love trying new things, and I’m fairly confident in most things I do. I would say on a day to day basis and about most life events I’m pretty optimistic. I think much of my anxiety comes from thoughts of things being ‘too good to be true’.
That being said, sometimes my nerves get the best of me and truly take over my life (cue breakdown). This has happened quite a bit lately, and I assume alot of it has to do with getting older. However, I just had a bad health scare that was pretty unexpected. I’ve waited to talk about it on here until I at least had more testing so I could feel like I had a little more control over the situation. The reality is, I’m still waiting on test results but am feeling better now that the procedure is over. I’ve been a healthy person my whole life and the idea of waiting for someone else to tell me whats going on with my body is just grueling. I can’t imagine the daily struggle of dealing with this when people have chronic health issues.
I have been trying hard to take advice from a yoga class last month- The yogi told us that sometimes when we worry about something we can’t control, that we worry so terribly that its almost like the thing we fear has already happened. So we worry ourselves into the event, and then experience it before we even know what the outcome is. Then if the outcome is what we feared, theoretically we’ve experienced it twice- which is a awful lot of stress for our bodies. Further, if the event never happens and we worry for nothing- we still end up experiencing it like it DID happen.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and what it means to worry and how to handle it. Honestly, I don’t know how to handle it- sometimes things just all consume me. I just wanted to put it out there into the universe in hopes that at least, it makes me more accountable towards change. I know I’m not alone in this battle and anxiety plagues majority of Americans, so feel free (like always) to leave feedback or questions.