Yesterday I cried in a craft store.
The holiday stress has more than gotten to me and all I keep telling myself is that I just have to make it through December alive. January 1st- the beginning of our new calendar year- I’m golden. But these last few days have been more than hard.
So yes, I cried in a craft store with a cart full of party supplies for JPC’s 30th birthday party while on the phone with my best friend who was sitting in an airport hundreds of miles away on the sunny side of Florida. I cried because I was tired, lonely, and angry. I cried because I heard her voice and it made me melt. I use to think the hardest thing about being away from friends- my people, would be the missed opportunities for shopping, drinks, brunches, and silly dance parties in tiny apartments. Yes I miss all of those things greatly- the ease of grabbing coffee and chatting in the comfort of our relationship.
Now that I’ve been gone over a year I realize I can still have those things thanks to technology and vacations. I CAN keep up with the little things. But what really counts- when I miss them the most, is when I feel like I’m all alone playing on my own team against everyone else. Against age old friendships and comfortable neighbors and I’m swimming to stay alive, to stay witty, pretty, and bright.*
Fitting in is hard, period. Its much harder living in a small city like Cleveland. Its a double edge sword- its easy to meet people once you have a person; but getting them to trust you, accept you, and invite you to play for their team is an entirely different story.
For reading this post I’d like to say thank you by providing you with this kitten friendship photo. I know the internet loves cats, and I love my friendships. I’m clearly the black and white cat and Lauryn is obviously the blonde cat.
*Yea, I made a West Side Story reference. SO WHAT?