The Thing We Haven’t Talked About

Things have been pretty quiet around these parts for the last few months. To be honest, it’s because I haven’t wanted to write or post a single thing. Yes, I’ve used this little space of mine on the internet to promote the charities I support and the people I love, but otherwise, you haven’t heard from me.

A few weeks ago a dear friend, Scott, reached out to me about participating in his newest project, The Scare Your Soul Challenge. At a very high level, it’s about committing to doing things that scare you, because really, when you push outside of your comfort zone, that’s the time you grow. Well guess what guys? I’ve been way the heck outside my comfort zone lately… I don’t know if I’m growing per se, but I’m doing something. So, I committed to the challenge, and if interested, you can see my 3 scary things here.

First up? Coming clean to you dear readers, on what’s been going on in my life.

I broke up with my boyfriend. JPC and I haven’t been together since July and I’ve been too scared to say anything here. Well, I was too scared, then felt too proud (WHY IS IT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS ANYWAY!) and then too worried that someone would be like woah, did you see Nadine went all Taylor Swift on that dude? But alas, here I am to tell you about it.  

So, what happened? The long and short of it is, everything and nothing. There was nothing explosive that caused me to say ‘I’m done here.’ But to honest, over many months things just felt muted and I couldn’t put my finger on it, so I couldn’t fix it. Man did we try to fix it. When I first met JPC it was like seeing color for the first time. I fell in love hard and fast. We moved in together after six months – a huge leap for me as I had previously never lived with a man. My friends joked that we were flying through life stages, and we were. For years it was amazing, we were completely wrapped up in our own beautiful story. Then, slowly but surely, it wasn’t.

The only way I can explain it, is comparing it to a slow but steady weight gain. A missed workout here, a couple extra fries there… then one day, you see a photo of yourself on the internet and you’re like WHO THE HELL IS THAT? THAT’S ME?! and you don’t even recognize yourself and you know it’s time to get your life together.

One weekend while he was out of town I realized just that – I didn’t even recognize myself. I’d changed. He changed. I didn’t recognize our relationship to be the unstoppable force it once was. Instead, it was a threadbare sweater, over-worn, overused, well loved, but no longer keeping anyone warm.

So that’s that. It’s done. It’s been a weird, wild, sometimes beautiful, sometimes painful, but always hilarious few months. After all – my motto has been ‘You can either laugh or cry about it so you might as well laugh’. That’s all I’ll say about it, out of respect for JPC’s privacy and to keep some things sacred.

Before I dive in on all the weirdness that’s been happening with me, I need to say THANK YOU to the people who’ve held me up (sometimes literally) over this whole ordeal.

Rachael – you let me be your roommate, cooked me meals, you were my therapist, and are my forever partner in crime.

Lauren – you let me sleepover, listened to me cry, and even let me get some of the best dad advice from Frank The Tank. You made sure I didn’t fall apart during the scariest moments.

Devin – the countless brunches, texts, and wild nights made all the difference. I found a true friend, thank you.

Conor –  You make me laugh so damn hard. You’re there whenever I need you. You’ve filled the silence in the best way.

So, what have I been doing since July?

For starters, wearing tons of crop tops, drinking tons of Tito’s and going to nightclubs as often as I could. That ended when summer ended (Ok I have one crop top turtleneck that does make winter-time appearances).

Going to brunch. A LOT. Single people go to brunch. It’s what you do when you don’t lay in bed with your significant other and do it all day (or when you have no one to go to Lowes and Bed Bath and Beyond with, let’s be real).

I got on Tinder. FOR THREE DAYS ONLY. While I love the Internet, it’s clear internet dating is not for me. I prefer to meet men the old fashioned way – drunk, in a bar, with your friends. Tinder guys – what’s the deal? My head nearly exploded from the amount of ‘What up?’ or ‘Sit on my face’ messages I received CONSTANTLY. Why is there no middle ground between totally boring and totally disgusting?! I don’t want to have lame small talk with a stranger, but I am also 100% not ready to sit on your face. Please don’t ever ask a woman that BEFORE YOU’VE EVEN MET HER.

I’ve been going on dates. It’s fun, it’s weird. They involve a lot of drinks.

Reorganizing my house. JPC owned nearly all the furniture. In an effort to make it look less like I’m a poor college student or just got robbed, I’m slowly replacing things. Yay?

That’s it. Welcome to my new chapter. 29, single, living in Cleveland and having no idea who will now take my blog photos (holler if boyfriend/photo taker is the job you want). Now excuse me, I have some Master of None episodes to binge watch.

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